When the poop hits the chux.

“I’m gonna need some help in 202B, she pooped again.”
Your internal dialogue says “AGAIN! REALLY!?” but you smile and nod to your aid and say you’ll be right there.

It’s going as planned. Wipe. Roll. Tuck. Roll. Wipe. Wipe.

Then the unthinkable happens.

When your coming down the home stretch of your wipe, roll, tuck routine you hear the distinct sound of poop on the move.

*Pffvrumpfhh-Gurgle-Blortfptptp*

Your hand jerks back as if it’s just touched hot liquid magma. And all of the sudden time both speeds up and slows down all at once. Your movements become lightening speed fast, grabbing for a wipe or a towel or anything near by. Your eyes become dilated in your fight or flight mode and then you see it.

A brand new chux.

In an Indiana-Jones-sliding-under-the-rock-wall-at-the-last-minute style move you manage to get the chux under her butt just as the poop is coming out.

“Well, that was lucky” you deadpan. But inside your giving yourself mental high-fives and the crowd is cheering.

Now that is fucking fabulous.