Twelve Days of Fabulous. #6: Piss Problems

Women suck at peeing. Real bad.

Birthing babies through love tunnels, girly surgeries, weak twat muscles; it all adds up to pee where it shouldn’t be. There are a few different types of ways pee-pee gets in your panties. Let’s discuss.

“Loose sphincter” (Stress incontinence)

Standing, laughing, leap frog, putting the peen in the vaheen; any fun at all and the pee is coming out. Basically the pee in the bladder and the sphincter (urethra A.K.A. pee hole) are playing red rover.

“Red Rover, Red Rover send Pee-pee right over!”

The bladder wall muscles contract and send over the big burly kid who already has facial hair and wears size 12 shoe (Pee-pee).  Pee-pee easily breaks through the tight elbow-to-elbow lock from the smelly kid and the kid in glasses. Boom. Piss in your panties.

Panty Protection: Light 

“Right NOW!” (Urge incontinence)

 “If I call to go pee, it means I got to go NOW. So if you hear my call light, come right away!”-Every fucking little/big/young/old lady patient.

Panty Protection: Medium

“A little from column ‘A’, a little from column ‘B'” (Mixed incontinence)

Worst of both worlds.

Panty Protection: Medium-Heavy

“Leaky faucet” (Overflow)

Sphincter goes home early, before the job is done. Empties a little bit of liquid gold but not all of it. So now you’re left with cup-o-pee and the pitcher is still pouring. Some people just leak a little bit out just like a leaky faucet. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Panty Protection: Heavy

“WINNING” for one shift equals:

  • Lack of piss in/on your shoes
  • Not slipping in pee-pee
  • No pee-filled diaper landing on your arm/pants/shoes *SPLAT*
  • Absence of a completely pee-soaked bed

Fucking Fabulous!

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