Vaginas

Vaginas are disgusting. Especially when they belong to a sick woman.

Dark. Wet, Creamy. Moist. In close proximity with the stink eye. Crotches are just perfect playgrounds for stink spores and germies. I absolutely hate hand-on-hand combat when cathing a woman. I always hope for a hole-in-one!

Enjoy some fabulous holes below!

Wet Clown Lips

That red nose....now that's a mighty big clit.

Bloody Wound

Disgustingly Sexy? Yup, I just threw up in my mouth.

Georgia Peach

Sweet, plump, juicy and just the right about of fuzz.

Pocket Pussy

This is the most disgusting sex toy I've ever seen.

Meat Flaps

Protects against rain, snow, and projectile objects.

Old Lady Neck

Old ladies got two necks.

Old Catchers Mitt

Old, leathered, worn,used and abused.

Vaginas are fucking fabulous, I mean come on, even your MOM has one.

If it weren't for Vaginas, none of this would have been possible.

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Hangover Cure

You drank too much.

You, fucking idiot, you should’ve drank more water the night before or not drank so much.

Now we get to pump fluid through your veins.

I can't wait to do this to one of my friends.

So what did you accomplish?

1. Sweet drunken texts.

2. Awesome Facebook drunken posts

3. Even awesome-er Facebook drunken pics.

4. Cumming into a fat chick.

5. Barfing on the dog, in the kitchen sink, and all over your sheets.

So come on in and put that expensive health insurance to good use.

Fucking Fabulous.

Hangover cure: DRINK MORE!

Pulling the Poop Plug

When patients don’t poop it’s pretty awful. We tend to complain when patients shower us with shit but it’s just as bad when Poop refuses to show its dirty, ugly face.

Poop: “Neener, neener, neener.”
Me: “Fuck you.”

Occasionally Poop likes to be a recluse. Hiding out in the dark catacombs of your insides, refusing to be seen in the daylight. Poop can be a stubborn, agoraphobic, asshole taunting you until you’ve reached your limits.

Agoraphobia at its best.



War is declared. Drastic measures need to be taken. You pull your hair back; put your war paint on, and the ever present mantra, ‘The end justifies the means’, rolls through your mind.

Time to go batshit crazy on Poop!
Slap yourself in the face, rip your shirt off, and let out a war cry ‘Ay ay ay ay ay ay!’

“Just the tip” (Colace)
Regular stool softeners are often adequate for most people. Hey, sometimes just the tip is good enough.

Seriously, who doesn't like to play this game?!

“Seriously, I’ve got a gun” (Senna, MOM, Lactulose)
Things are getting a little more heated up in here. You need to get out Poop. I’ve got a gun and I’m not afraid to shoot a bitch.

Don't fuck with this Pussy

“Just tickle the rim” (suppositories)
Don’t you love it when you put in the suppository and you get past the sphincter and it just sucks it up? *Shhluurp*

'Fleshlight' Best. Product. Name. Ever.

“Pulling the Poop Plug” (Enemas, digital disimpaction)
Flash flood time. If that doesn’t work, time to get dirty and give Poop the middle finger. Double glove it, lube up that finger like there’s no tomorrow and insert just the tip. Pick, dig, pick. Easy, be gentle now. Give that Poop plug a crooked finger and drag it out into the sunlight.

FML.

Fucking Fabulous!

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