Pulling the Poop Plug

When patients don’t poop it’s pretty awful. We tend to complain when patients shower us with shit but it’s just as bad when Poop refuses to show its dirty, ugly face.

Poop: “Neener, neener, neener.”
Me: “Fuck you.”

Occasionally Poop likes to be a recluse. Hiding out in the dark catacombs of your insides, refusing to be seen in the daylight. Poop can be a stubborn, agoraphobic, asshole taunting you until you’ve reached your limits.

Agoraphobia at its best.



War is declared. Drastic measures need to be taken. You pull your hair back; put your war paint on, and the ever present mantra, ‘The end justifies the means’, rolls through your mind.

Time to go batshit crazy on Poop!
Slap yourself in the face, rip your shirt off, and let out a war cry ‘Ay ay ay ay ay ay!’

“Just the tip” (Colace)
Regular stool softeners are often adequate for most people. Hey, sometimes just the tip is good enough.

Seriously, who doesn't like to play this game?!

“Seriously, I’ve got a gun” (Senna, MOM, Lactulose)
Things are getting a little more heated up in here. You need to get out Poop. I’ve got a gun and I’m not afraid to shoot a bitch.

Don't fuck with this Pussy

“Just tickle the rim” (suppositories)
Don’t you love it when you put in the suppository and you get past the sphincter and it just sucks it up? *Shhluurp*

'Fleshlight' Best. Product. Name. Ever.

“Pulling the Poop Plug” (Enemas, digital disimpaction)
Flash flood time. If that doesn’t work, time to get dirty and give Poop the middle finger. Double glove it, lube up that finger like there’s no tomorrow and insert just the tip. Pick, dig, pick. Easy, be gentle now. Give that Poop plug a crooked finger and drag it out into the sunlight.

FML.

Fucking Fabulous!

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